Standing By Your Cheating Spouse

Source: dorovibes
Source: dorovibes

No marriage is easy. Both husband and wife has to make it work together. But what if your spouse cheated and you know the truth, what are you going to do?

You have this gut feel telling you something is not right. You are pushing yourself to believe him, gave him forgiveness for the times he abandoned you, you trust that things will work out the way it was supposed to be, and you wanted to believe that you made the right decision because his intentions were true. You gave him time and space when he said he needed time for himself. You told yourself time and over, once he lies to you again, it will be the same story — you get mad, he says sorry, vows never to do it again, you forgive and forget — and it will be a vicious continuous cycle.

Now that you know he lied to you and your gut instincts were real about his infidelity, what’s now? Should you stay or should you go? Should you let go and move on or should you continue working to make your marriage work? How would you get back all those lost love, security, and trust after all those cheating he made on you?

You are probably inundated with so many questions about why he did it. You began to question yourself and what pushed him to infidelity. Living with someone who cheated on you is a living nightmare for days to come, unless you have told him to pack up and leave. The pain lingers indefinitely and the emotions takes you into a roller coaster ride when you are reminded about it.

Source: Google
Source: Google

For a reasonable woman, whose beloved spouse has once crossed the line of infidelity, what can she do or expect if she decides to stay? Here are some suggestions:

  • Expect him to admit guilt and show remorse about the betrayal.
  • Express your hurt, anger, and rage, in words and body language. Let it all out.
  • Insist him to acknowledge and fully comprehend the enormity of what he did.
  • Demand him to make a continual effort in words and deeds to prove he will never cheat again.
  • Make him listen to you when you are expressing your intense emotional pain from his betrayal.
  • Contemplate and give some empathy for his emotional insecurity that led him to seek another woman’s approval.
  • Let him know that you longed to loved and feel safe enough to let go.
  • Make him agree to do everything to restore the emotional stability of your marriage.
  • Both of you must undergo and participate in marriage counseling, sex therapy, or an intensive group experience.
  • Open up your emotional connection to help him reach out to you and allow him to share all of his fears and insecurities.
  • Get him to listen to you, really LISTEN to what you are saying to him and fully understand it.
  • Seek help for your own unresolved relationship issues.

One may never be able to fully forgive and forget. You may chose to stay but with that feeling of always on guard, always on the look out for the next infidelity. Or just decide to let go, part ways and move on with your respective lives. While it may not always be the best solution, at times it is just what you need to love yourself again. But hey, if you chose to stay and made it all work out and come to a new understanding, congratulations!