My instincts tells me that my boyfriend of one and a half year is cheating on me. For the past two months, he has gone to three business trips for a week each time. And for the last 2 weeks, he’s been texting some other girl and our intimacy has dwindled to a trickle. He always too darn tired for it, or so he claims. I really am worried and want to know if my boyfriend is cheating on me. Are there any signs that he is? I am at a loss on what to do.
Let me answer you in two parts.
Part 1 is how to tell if your boyfriend is cheating on you. Part 2 is what to do about it.
First, we need to see the signs he has exhibited.
- His sexual behavior has changed. You said he has lost the interest to heat things up between the sheets. However, a man will become more active than before or use new “tricks” into your routine. He needs to cover up his guilt and to practice his moves for his new lady love.
- His appearance / fashion has changed. He suddenly started paying attention to his looks. He dresses more nicely and is always neat. Take those as a warning sign that he might be seeing somebody else. A new interest in getting physical fit, fashion, or hairstyle are all warning signs that he is getting attention from somebody else other than you.
- He avoids intimacy with you. Aside from his sexual behavior, if your man avoids any intimate gestures with you, that is a big red flag! According to psychology, “commitment and consistency” is when someone is committing infidelity, showing intimacy towards their girlfriend hoping she will get disgusted because it’s counter to their cheating behavior.
- He’s mostly unavailable to be with you. Him being on business trips often is a good example. He might also be too busy with “overtime at work” or “guys’ night outs”. Those are definitely bad signs.
- You smell a different perfume on him or he smells freshly showered. Take a sniff and do some checking. Is that another woman’s perfume lingering on his clothes? Does he smell freshly showered at an odd time (immediately after work)?
- He is stuck on his phone/the internet more than usual. If he is on his phone more than usual or is always busy checking “something” on the internet, chance are he is talking to his other woman.
Researching about cheating is like checking your symptoms online for a possible diagnosis. You check the symptoms and now you are scared that you might have an incurable disease. One or two of these signs is not a big deal. But take about five or all of them is something else.
Now, how to react to that feeling is a different scenario. If your instincts makes you suspicious about your partners fidelity towards you, put your focus on what you can control.
- You get paranoid and wrecks your relationship’s trust
- You get angry and start fighting and accusing one another that ultimately damaged your relationship in the process. OR
- You get worried sick with your instincts that you are a miserable person to be with, thus degrading the quality of relationship.
— OR —
Look at the bright side. Take this as a wake-up call. React to him and your relationship positively. He probably just misses having someone have that desire to be with him. Maybe he misses being appreciated for his efforts. Maybe he has an unfulfilled fantasy that he thinks you are not willing to explore with him. Whatever that is, think of the things that lures him out of your relationship and then start bringing that “spice” into your relationship. It is a better use of your energy than just getting worried about the things he might be doing when he’s not with you. A guy who is totally and completely fulfilled in his relationship is nearly impossible to stray. If you don’t want him to cheat, stop with the blaming, accusing, distrusting, suspecting or punishing scenes. Whatever you put in your mind, the energy that it creates will bounce off him and it can damage your relationship. To prevent him from cheating, the best option is for you to work on making your relationship excellent. This scare you have might even help you in improving your relationship. All you need is to look at it in a different light.